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"Satan brings donuts"
"but they're always gone when you get there"
"Nose jobs are free"
"but you don't get to pick the nose"
"or where it goes"
"Parking is validated"
"only if someone is painfully pinned under your car"
"when you fart..."
"...it smells like all the mistakes you've ever made"
"For more, watch Your Pretty Face every Sunday"